Mindset: Strengthening Your Mental Stamina Through Tough Times

I can’t believe we’ve made it to 20 episodes — and over 6,000 listeners! What started as a place to share my own story of resilience as a four-time cancer survivor has grown into a podcast filled with conversations about overcoming adversity, personal growth, and finding strength in life’s toughest moments.

In this special episode, I talk about the 4 Anchors that carried me through cancer, strokes, brain aneurysms, loss, and heartbreak — and how these same tools can help anyone facing their own struggles. Whether you’re dealing with illness, grief, a career setback, or just life’s everyday storms, these anchors apply:

• Mind Endurance – the mindset shifts that build mental stamina.
• The Power of a Plan – mapping small, practical steps through chaos.
• Advocating for Yourself – because your voice matters in healthcare, relationships, and beyond.
• The Boat – surrounding yourself with people who row with you when you can’t.

And a bonus anchor: Laughter. Even in the darkest times, joy is medicine.

If you’re searching for resilience, mindset strategies, or inspiration to keep going, this episode will remind you: you don’t have to climb the whole mountain today — just take the next step.

Thank you for tuning in! I truly appreciate every one of you, whether you’re here for the first time or have been with me from the start.

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Transcript

 Hi everybody. Welcome to my backyard and welcome to episode 20. I can't believe I'm already at 20. While it might seem small to some of you , this just really started out as something for me to use as a platform to tell my story, to talk about the things

I overcame that shook me to my core, and this has turned into an entire brand. And I have all of you to thank for helping me get to where I am today because I've got over 6,000 listeners.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, it means everything, and it's just so special. So I thought, why not go outside and record this. A lot of you who've been tuning in and have followed my story all know that I'm a four cancer survivor, but I've been through the ringer. I've had aneurysms. Strokes. I've been through a really hard divorce. I lost my father when I was 10. He died of colon cancer. I lost my mother later in life to ovarian cancer. A lot of it happened within a 10 year span

between the years 2008, through 2000, 19, I kept turning around and it was something else, and I know I'm not the only one. I've watched some of my friends go through some very different struggles,

What I'm gonna share with you today, it's applicable no matter what you are going through, my mother lived her best moments the way that she could. When she was dying she was literally unable to walk. She was already at a point where her body was failing her. And she chose a cheeseburger, and we respected that and we got that for her because you know what?

There are things that we can pull out of our little bag to help us through these moments when we just can't take it anymore.

 There were definitely days I thought I couldn't take one more thing. Days when my body failed me, when I felt exhausted and absolutely broken mentally drained. Mentally weak. We don't feel like we have one ounce of energy to get through the next thing.  I share that because people often see the comeback. You're seeing it right now. You're not seeing the climb that I went through.

You're not seeing the scars, you're seeing smiles. You're seeing somebody who looks healthy, and I want you to know that it was really, really hard. So if resilience is what you see after the storm, the real question is what gets you through it . There's a lot of people that say resilience got them through something. For me personally, that's not what got me through I think

now you are thriving, you're resilient, you bounced back, but it was a lot more than that. To get through, and that's what we're talking about today. People always say, Theresa, what got you through it? And we can say things like, , I'm strong. I've got a good mindset. I advocated for myself and I laughed a lot, but what the fuck does that really mean?

Right, so let's dig into that. It took me a while to even be able to articulate all of this, so it's very meaningful for me. I had to step back and really think about what were those things , I'm gonna share four things that really helped me and what I dug into to get through each and every one of these tough moments in my life.

It was about shifting my mindset and my perspective. It was during the hardest moments when you choose to believe that your story isn't over yet, and I didn't learn that as an adult. I learned it at 10 years old the day that my father died.

For me, mindset didn't mean being positive all the time. It meant choosing to believe. The story wasn't over yet. Sometimes it meant saying, , just get through this hour. Just take the next step. I couldn't control what was happening to my body, but I could control how I was showing up mentally and what my thoughts were.

When I think about where that came from. I go back again to when I was 10 years old I will never forget this. when my father passed away, we're at the celebration of life for my father and someone came up to me. looked at a 10-year-old girl and said, you need to take care of your mother. are you kidding? I was 10 years old. I had older siblings, yet I was the target. I was in between sad and wondering, what is this all about? Why are we celebrating my dad? Shouldn't we all be crying instead? I didn't understand a lot. So when that person asked me to take care of my mother, I took it seriously.

I decided that's what I'm gonna do. I gotta stay strong. This person is asking me to be an adult. I need to be strong. I really believe that's where my strength came from, I built it for myself at a very young age.

The shift from despair to taking on responsibility. That's what pulled me out of being frozen to moving forward after my father passed away.

And that doesn't mean that I never broke down. It doesn't mean I always was strong. What it means is that even when I felt powerless, I chose to take back control of the one thing that I could, and that was my mindset. That's why years later when I was sitting in a doctor's office hearing the words, you have cancer.

I didn't. Completely crumble. Yes. Did I think I was six feet under at that point? Of course I did. . You have to control. What you have control over and you gotta let all that other shit go. But my immediate reaction if I went really deep and now that I'm looking back, was, don't deny the pain. Don't ignore the fear. Shift into the belief that this isn't the end, and that's the heart of mindset for me.

It isn't always about positivity, it's more about endurance. It's about training your mind to focus on what you can do when life strips everything else away.  Be sad, feel the emotions. Be angry. Whatever you are feeling, let it soar through your body,

Having that strength to be able to step back and take a pause is really important. That allows you to get control over that inner basement committee that's hanging out in your mind that's like, oh girl, you're gonna die.

Tell that basement committee to be quiet because you are now in control of your mind. That's all you can control. Mindset's number one. Everybody out there talks about how important it is to have the right mindset, and it's true,

The bigger thing that I leaned into, and the most powerful one for me was having a plan. When everything feels outta control, a plan is like a lifeline for me. That plan was medical treatments, recovery steps, or sometimes something as simple as setting a goal to go for a walk outside .

It gave me structure. It gave me something to hold onto when. Everything else felt like quicksand my intuition really kicked in. I didn't have to dig deep or ask myself, how am I gonna get through this another time? I leaned into something that I already knew and that was I need to focus on a plan.

That is something you need your mindset in order to put that plan together. In my profession, I close contracts I deal with contracts all the time and they don't happen overnight. The minute somebody says, yes, I think I want what you have.

You have just started. The real work begins, and that's true for any life struggles that you're going through. When the news comes , when there's something big that's happening in your life and. It strikes, the real work begins after that moment, and that's when a plan comes into play.

So I'll give you an example. Somebody says, yes, I want what you have. Guess what? It's a good six to 12 months before that contract gets signed. So if I just sat back and was like, great, I can't wait until you sign , and nothing happens between now and then, that contract's probably gonna go away. Things are not gonna happen. . In order to distract yourself from the big thing that's happened to you, you have to have this plan because it gives you a vision 

you need what I call mind endurance to get through all of that. And it's the same with life. The goal might be signing a contract to become cancer free, or maybe it's finalizing your divorce or getting out of debt, the list goes on and on of all the struggles that occur where plans can be applicable, but the outcome only happens if you can map the steps and keep moving through them.

I opened up my laptop. I started writing out what it would take to get to the goal, and for me, that plan looked like this. I go to my first doctor's appointment. That team, start to lay out all the things that you have to do, the blood work, the scans, the images, the appointments, the surgery, the treatment,  

coverage for my kids. I was a single mom. My friends helped me set up a meal train. I needed help with rides and someone to care for me after surgeries. All of those steps became a part of my plan.

Each box I checked was a little win. It was a baby step closer to the finish line, and every step gave me that endurance to keep going because I knew there was an end. I wasn't just drifting. If you think about plans in your life, if you're putting together a party, I know that's not a struggle, but this is relevant. All of us do this, whether it's a small dinner with friends or a massive party, you don't just invite the people and they show up.

You think of when are they coming? Who's coming? How many people are there? What are we gonna cook? And if you really are detailed into planning, it can go much deeper than that. My point is, if you have a plan, it helps you see that vision of where you're heading, and it helps you follow each and one of those steps so that you can see.

For example, when I was diagnosed with cancer I could actually see, . I've gotta go through all of these necessary steps to be cancer free. And it was a 12 month process. It was very long. So that's when that endurance in your mind really needs to come into play because this doesn't happen overnight.

That plan can be something that you write in a notebook. You put into, a Google sheet, but you start to put all of the steps in place,

it takes your mind off of what's really happening and gets you focused. It allows you to see the end. So in my profession, we always start with the end and we work our way backwards. So overcoming cancer. Healing treatment, surgery, appointments, blood work, working all the way back.

And if you're struggling with trying to figure out how do I put a plan together for what I'm going through? Drop me a DM and we'll work through it together. I have been building plans for over 25 years in my profession. We sit down with our clients and we go through the plan together, and I would love nothing more than to help somebody go through their plan to figure out how they're gonna get through whatever it is that you're going through.

Having a plan is huge, and you do have to bring the mindset in because it requires endurance, and I'm not talking about physical endurance. the plan is going to require 

Mental endurance, my plan for overcoming cancer took 12 months just for one cancer, 12 months, I could see all the steps. I made it through that with probably less trauma than I normally would have because I could go back to my sheet and I could see all the little achievements, all the appointments, all the things that I had already achieved, and then I could see what was left.

Were there moments of frustration? Absolutely. But it keeps you on track. It keeps you focused. It keeps your mind in a better place than feeling sorry for yourself than letting those negative thoughts come in and being able to see that vision and know out of the gates. Early on, Theresa, it's gonna be about 12 months until you have beat cancer, and that's probably at the minimum

I knew that it was gonna be a long road and I mentally prepared for it. That's the other reason why the plan is incredible for you. It gives you that courage, it gives you that endurance. It gives you that light you can see when that's actually gonna be coming your way. Now, none of this is easy, and I'm not saying that it is.

I wanna give you things that help make it less hard.

  the other pillar I leaned into, and one that I know many people do is I had people around me who not only believed in me, but they believed in my survival, and I brought them all into the boat with me. And I will say this, you don't wanna do anything alone.

You wanna surround yourself with people that believe in you, that jump in the boat with you, that row with you. So when you don't have the strength left, they can help lift you up. Having the right people around you doesn't just make a difference. It makes everything possible here's the clincher I am a, I can do it myself, kind of gal, super independent.

I don't need you, I don't need your help person. But what I learned through everything is that I needed people in my boat with me. I needed people to help me row because there were gonna be days when I just wasn't strong enough to row. They could row for me. 

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Suddenly I had people stepping in from every angle. They came to appointments with me. They drove me.

They fed me. They put me in pajamas. They washed my hair, they washed my body. They were bringing me food. People were staying overnight with me. They were handling my kids' schedules. They sat with me in waiting rooms inside doctor's offices, so I wouldn't be alone. You need people to be around you, to support you so that you can relax. Allow people to take care of you. That's what they wanna do. People wanna know how they can help you, and there's no better way for somebody to give you a gift than helping you. And helping others is such a gift too.

It's so rewarding to be able to help individuals that are going through tough times. So make sure you ask for help.

I had people with me throughout the entire journey. This was amazing because I was a single mom. I didn't have family living near me, so it meant everything. It didn't mean that we weren't crying together because we were, and it was still very tough, there were moments when I just wasn't okay and because of this wall of love that all of my friends and family built around me, I just never felt like I had to face it alone. So if you've ever wondered if a small gesture matters, it does. If you've ever hesitated to reach out because you didn't wanna say. Whatever it is that you wanna say to somebody that's going through some tough times, say it anyway.

Your presence matters more than you know, to my village, to my family, to my friends, all the strangers who stepped up I am so grateful. I really am so grateful. It gives me goosebumps today to talk about it because they brought so much light to a very dark time in my life. it really is the greatest gift. That you can give someone or someone can give you when you're going through something that's traumatic. Something else that I did a lot for myself through every one of these health battles, including my mother's, I was my own advocate.

Nobody is gonna do this for you, by the way. That's again, where that mindset comes in. That's where that strength and that control what you can and let go of what you can't really comes into play.

Because everything that I was diagnosed with, guess what? I found it. I figured out something big was going on. I listened to my spidey senses. I listened to my intuition, and I can't tell you how important it is for you to pay attention to that because think about a time when you knew you weren't feeling so hot and you went to.

An army of doctors and none of them figured out what was wrong with you. We can't figure it out. We're not sure. It's a needle in a haystack. You keep going until somebody listens to you because that's what I did. I went to the best of the best, and there were some cases where I paid out of pocket. You can set up payment plans because I knew deep inside.

These aneurysms in my brain, which supposedly weren't supposed to be symptomatic, that were very much so symptomatic, turned out to be life threatening. I could be dead if we didn't take care of those. Most of them do come as a surprise to many. So advocate for yourself.

Now, this last one I look at more of a bonus and it's laughter. When we're going through hard stuff, we don't give ourselves permission to laugh.

We're very serious and everyone around us is even more serious, because most of them are holding this trauma very differently than those of us who are going through this stuff ourselves give yourself permission to laugh. I gotta tell you, when I allowed myself to do that. It made a huge difference. And it's really one of the best ones on the list because laughter saved me more times than I can count. 

My girlfriends would stay with me. We would have slumber parties. We'd pop open bottles of wine. And yes, let's be honest, I drank wine while recovering from just about. Every surgery that I've had, it's probably not in the medical recovery manual, but you know what? It helped me. Feel like I was still living a normal life. It was so much fun We were just sipping on the wine, nibbling on the cheeses, laughing till we cried. I remember cracking jokes with nurses when things got heavy,

it gave me moments of normalcy. It allowed me to have joy and stayed deeply connected

Laughter was a big part of the medicine that helped eliminate some of that pain. It doesn't erase it, but it gives you a breath of fresh air when you're drowning, science even backs this up. There was a study from University of Oxford that I read that laughing with others actually increases pain tolerance. , Those wine and cheese nights with my girlfriends, they were medicine too. I've had a number of people come to me to tell me about family members have been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I've said to them. The best thing you can do for them is make 'em laugh, honestly, especially if it's terminal. People should be laughing towards their end of life days.

My mom, she laughed with us when we brought her that cheeseburger. Her smile. Was never bigger than in that moment because I don't think she believed we were gonna go get her a cheeseburger. That poor woman was living off everything that doesn't feed cancer, and she had stage four terminal ovarian cancer was barely moving, and her treatment team was like, keep eating healthy.

And she's like, why should I eat healthy? I'm gonna die, so gimme a burger. And I couldn't agree with her more so allow yourself to laugh no matter what you're going through. Bring in your funny friends.

I learned through all of the stuff that I went through that I have some funny fucking friends.

It is an incredible way to just let all that stress and tension and trauma out, even if it is for just a moment and your laughter may turn to tears and you absolutely are okay to do that too. If we really wanna be honest with ourselves, we take life way too seriously.

Especially in the hard moments, and I think laughter is always frowned upon.

It put a smile on my face when I was going through recovery. So give yourself permission to laugh because. Even when life feels impossible, and at its heaviest laughter is the crack in the dark that does let the light in. I can assure you that. 

 so Here are the nuggets. I want you to take away from this.

  Change your mindset. If you find that you're going to a very negative place while you're trying to get through something hard, you're not gonna get through it without focusing on what you can control and forgetting about everything else. Advocate for yourself when it is necessary, because nobody else is gonna do it for you.

They'll do it with you, but you have to be the one that starts. Make sure you laugh your ass off at times because life is too serious and tomorrow's not guaranteed. So give yourself permission to laugh and don't forget. Don't forget to bring your friends into your boat and to let them help you row through all of this shit that you're going through, because you'll get through it a lot faster.



  if you are in the middle of something hard right now, here's what I want you to remember. You don't have to climb the entire mountain today. Just take the next step, You've probably already heard. Mindset's a big one, but a plan is even bigger and I am here to help you put that together if you want help. find a reason to laugh even if it feels like it's out of place. And let the people who love you get in the boat with you.

Don't be stubborn. Don't think you can do it all alone. 'cause that's me. It didn't work. It worked. When I brought my friends in the boat with me. That's how I got through my cancer. That's how I got through my brain aneurysm, that I was terrified over getting my head cracked open. That's how you get through the toughest moments.

 

Life will throw you curve balls.

The longer we live, the more curve balls we see. Sometimes they'll knock you flat, but if you hold onto mindset, a plan, laughter, and let those friends and family into your boat, you will rise. You will feel better. I would love all of you to jump into my boat and follow, like, subscribe, leave a review and remember, not today, life, Take that motto with you. It is one that I live by Until next time